Stop Lights

My body is a stop light

My brain is red  

My heart is yellow  

My vagina is green

I always want to want you
Someday the lights will break

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Naked Friendship

There is nothing like those couple people that you know mean everything to you, and you will always mean everything to them. That no matter what silly argument happens, nothing is going to change how good of friends you are. 

A couple weekends ago, my two girlfriends and I finally got a weekend away from everyone else, them their kids.. And me well, everyone. We took towards another’s wedding and laughed the whole road trip there. It was as if we still spend everyday together, reminding me what a real friendship is. 

As I lay here this morning, about to travel 2.5 hours so one of these friends can do my hair, I just smile and think back on all the years her and I have had together. Think back on all the love and sadness we have been through together, all the times we have been the only one who could tell each other how annoying the other was being, a sign of true friendship. I’ve been awake 2 hours earlier than my alarm, waiting in excitement.. 

Doubt

Today was one of those day where I really started to wonder if my rash decisions I was making were right. Should I have quit my job? Should I move 3 months early? 

As I sat at work, with the coworkers I enjoy, it was so hard to want to leave them. They have been apart my daily life for so long. The old pharmacist made a stupid joke and laughed so hard I thought he may wet himself, this was what I would miss. These were the moments I’m scared to leave… The statement I need to realize. I’m keep wondering if I’m making the right choice, but that’s not the really problem, the real problem is I’m scared. I’m going to a new town, new school, new everything. Yes, my oldest sister and her kids are there, but it’s not home. I don’t get to just go to my moms house when I want to see her, or work everyday with my dad. 

This was the part of my I’m need to change, the part of me the taro reader said I need to do, that I need to let myself become who I am, stop being scared of what I can be. There has always been so much doubt about what I can be, that it is terrifying to let myself be that person, to move into her, allow her to come out. It’s like my true self picking away at the scab of what I was, falling off and bleeding, coming back, and repeating the process before it can finally heal and shine through for good. 

I’m willing to pick that scab as many times as I need too, let myself finally feel that pain, let it bleed, understand the hurt and anger, be scared, have doubt. The feelings of thinking I made the wrong choices will come and go, but I can only know for sure once I reach the end.