How to Set Healthy Boundaries

There are many days where I could use this! I just say yes to everything, even though I don’t want to be there, don’t want to try it.

MakeItUltra™

boundaries.jpg“I encourage people to remember that “No” is a complete sentence.” ~ Gavin de Becker

1. Identify current boundary crossers
The first step in setting healthy boundaries is identifying who it is that is the boundary crosser. How does this person make you feel? Most likely, telling this person how you feel will get you no where. They may even get satisfaction from hearing your plea. Remember, it is not uncommon for boundary crossers to be very purposeful in their boundary crossing behavior. This means they often know that they are doing it! If you feel taken advantage of, oppressed or bullied, it is important to make the conscious decision to change how you are interacting with them. Keep in mind, none of this will happen overnight. But, it definitely won’t happen unless you decide with the utmost conviction that something needs to change.

2. Consider how your past influences your present
Were you taught to set healthy boundaries? If…

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Fail harder

HeideBlog

I read an article a while back about Johannes Haushofer, a professor of psychology and public affairs at Princeton University who wrote a rather unconventional résumé: rather than tout his accomplishments, instead he listed his failures.

Johannes Haushofer resume BLOG

“Most of what I try fails, but these failures are often invisible, while the successes are visible,” Haushofer wrote.

That rings especially true in our age of social media, with its constant stream of images and posts. It’s easy to forget that those posts are highly curated, and that for every beautiful image we see there are likely a hundred crappy ones.

But wouldn’t it be refreshing if we occasionally set aside our polished highlight reels, and shared something a little bit more real?

In that spirit, today I’m abandoning my hand-picked travel photos to show you a shoot that went horribly wrong.

It wasn’t a professional gig, thank God — I simply…

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School Starting

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new semester, at a new school. I know it shouldn’t be freaking me out, since this is my third school, I have a degree already… but it just really is. I’m just going to a new building, trying to find a new classroom, just something about it keeps making me not know how to stop my mind. It just keeps running and running, thinking about what is going to happen tomorrow. Will I even know where my class is going to be? What if  I go to the wrong building?

This is really starting to feel like the first day at UNK. Oh my goodness, that first day was super rough. I went to my very first class, 30 minutes early.. then found out it was the class before mine and I had gotten there so early that it was too early. It was so embarrassing. What if that happens again? That would be terrible, being a 26 year old that can’t lock up how to get to class on time. Now I’m never go to be able to sleep, I’m going to be that crazy old lady who doesn’t know what to do…

I better lock this shit up…

Ideas

Today is one of those days where I just want to write, even though I don’t have anything to write about. I keep starting about something, then just stop, it never goes anywhere productive. So here I am, staring at my screen, hoping that something worth writing about will come to mind. I can’t help myself, maybe I need to drink a glass of wine and loosen my mind up. Although in an hour were are going to the gym, so that would not be the best idea. Today was one of those days that I will have spent 3 hours at the gym, one for Maya, one for Cole, and one for myself, just hanging out. My goal is going to be to try and do more rounds than Maya, you know, because it is all 26 year olds dream to beat their 11 year old niece. 

It just needs to happen, even though I lift heavier than her, I want to do more rounds than her.. Even though she did a pretty good amount. CrossFit has been something that I have begun to like going to, I’m pretty sure that is because I get to go with my sister, and that always makes everything better… Going to the gym with her just makes it more fun. Now that my annoying coworker is not there it is even better. He went to a class and now a level 1 coach, there is no way I would go to the gym back home if he was coaching, that would be the worst. 

Another thing that has been terrible today, both the kids have been over at friends houses, or at least in and out the door. It is almost as bad as when they are gone. They haven’t just wanted to hang out with me all day, what is going on here? Are they bored with hanging out with me? Let’s hope not, cause I was so bored all last week without them. Those two little monsters are like my favorite people to hang out with, which is crazy since they are young, but I guess that is what parents go through, they would rather hang out with their kids.. It’s the same type of thing. 

Broke Down

Yesterday I was the most excited to go see my best friend, and that excitement never went away. About halfway to see her (2.5 hours away) my check engine light came on and my car was shifting funny. Some days I have a rough go with my manual when I’m not paying attention so I wasn’t super concerned. Then I just kept trucking along, until I could barely go 50 mph up a hill. 

Just to make sure I went to the Toyota dealership in town to make sure it was ok, nope. Never can something just be normal for me. Not only was it something crazy, but the original spark plugs were still in my Rav, my 99 Rav. The wires inside my first cylinder were messed up and they were not sparking, causing it to misfire and gas to leak into my engine. Thankfully the dealership I went to was super helpful and got me taken care of quickly. They would have been able to do it that day, but they had to get the wires delivered to them, although they got them first thing this morning. 

Even though it was super annoying to have to stay the night there because it was not planned, I loved getting to stay the night with my bestie. Today was her daughters 2nd birthday, and I loved getting to be there for that. Waking up to her wondering where her Aunt Nina was is the best. On top of that, Kels and I got to sit on the porch and drink beer, smoke, and talk all night. There is nothing better than that.

Thank goodness for a great best friend, and a dealership who was wonderful to a young girl who needed help.

Naked Friendship

There is nothing like those couple people that you know mean everything to you, and you will always mean everything to them. That no matter what silly argument happens, nothing is going to change how good of friends you are. 

A couple weekends ago, my two girlfriends and I finally got a weekend away from everyone else, them their kids.. And me well, everyone. We took towards another’s wedding and laughed the whole road trip there. It was as if we still spend everyday together, reminding me what a real friendship is. 

As I lay here this morning, about to travel 2.5 hours so one of these friends can do my hair, I just smile and think back on all the years her and I have had together. Think back on all the love and sadness we have been through together, all the times we have been the only one who could tell each other how annoying the other was being, a sign of true friendship. I’ve been awake 2 hours earlier than my alarm, waiting in excitement..