Tonight my brothers dog passed away. We aren’t really sure why, my sisters were walking the dogs and we was fine, then a couple blocks later he got in the river for a drink and just went limp…

It’s been an emotional night for me. Pets are always there for you, and I loved that snoring, smelly, drooling dog so much…. When when he hiked his leg and peed on my favorite boots. He was always so happy to see you, and just cuddled with you. 

Now I lay here, sad, not able to sleep, and for the first time… I want to talk about my feelings. It is an odd feeling, usually I don’t, usually I just stay sad and don’t cry in front of people. I let the emotion bottle up inside and handle it by myself. There is just one catch to this, the one I want to talk to didn’t answe.. Go figure. Then my only second thought was, nick would answer, he always did, he was always there. He brought out these feelings, made the zone feel ok to talk about them, was the first real person I was ok telling I was sad, or hurt. I wanted to tell him about things. 

Now I lay here, talking to the memory of him. Telling him how I feel, telling him my love for him, how much I miss him. He was my true emotional awakening, my safe zone, my love. 

Never once did we date, or even do more than kiss, but there were thousand of hours logged between the two of us, sober and drunk. We would stay up and sit on our own porches, watching the sunrise together… Until he would talk me into coming over. I was always scared to, scared I would go over, sleep with him and then we wouldn’t be the same. If we made ourselves physical before it was time the connections would be gone. But once I was there, he would just wrap himself around me and kiss me, not trying to do anything, like he knew. He knew that the mental connection we had was real, that we were real. Then we would lay there and talk for longer until we both finally began to sleep (we both have trouble sleep, I still do). 

We loved movies, and could quote so many of them. I miss just watching them on the couch, laughing. Once, he bought a 3-d tv… I didn’t get the hype because it just looked like a normal movie to me. I thought he was going to pee his pants laughing at me, turned out my glasses were turned off so I didn’t get the 3-d part. 

His laugh. God I miss it. 

I miss him. 


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