They always say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, not to disagree, but what happens when that person knows they are hurting themselves and not doing anything about it? Tonight I called my friend and when I asked her what she was doing the words out of her mouth were, “Oh just at the bar, not helping my body heal.”
How do you even respond to that? She knows she needs something? After her appendix almost ruptured and she was life flighted, only a few months ago, she is still not understanding the severity of what could have been. That if she does rupture her appendix, she could be diabetic, or worse… Dead.
Dead… I just stare at that word. Unable to imagine my life without her. Would I be able to go on? How would my life be? She has been there from day 1, literally, we have the same birthday. Each year we celebrate another year of life together, how would I be able to do that alone? I need her, she has gotten me through so much. As selfish as I’m sounding, these statements can all be reversed.
Hard times, easy, graduations, our 21st, together… So many memories. And this would be hard to blame someone else, but it’s almost like a suicide, she’s killing herself. How do you keep helping? At least once a week we talk about how she needs to take better care of herself, take care of her appendix, that without a healthy inside you can’t have a healthy outside.
It’s always just lies when she says she is going to do it, and I fall for them, defend her when people say she has a problem. They don’t have a right to say those things about her, they don’t know her, which is only half true.
Or am I worse for being close to her and not helping? I just love my friend so dearly. Addiction is the worst, or maybe it’s just depression, either way, she needs to find what makes her happy that doesn’t poison her. Life is always better than you think, you just have to want it. ❤️