They always say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, not to disagree, but what happens when that person knows they are hurting themselves and not doing anything about it? Tonight I called my friend and when I asked her what she was doing the words out of her mouth were, “Oh just at the bar, not helping my body heal.” 

How do you even respond to that? She knows she needs something? After her appendix almost ruptured and she was life flighted, only a few months ago, she is still not understanding the severity of what could have been. That if she does rupture her appendix, she could be diabetic, or worse… Dead. 

Dead… I just stare at that word. Unable to imagine my life without her. Would I be able to go on? How would my life be? She has been there from day 1, literally, we have the same birthday. Each year we celebrate another year of life together, how would I be able to do that alone? I need her, she has gotten me through so much. As selfish as I’m sounding, these statements can all be reversed. 

Hard times, easy, graduations, our 21st, together… So many memories. And this would be hard to blame someone else, but it’s almost like a suicide, she’s killing herself. How do you keep helping? At least once a week we talk about how she needs to take better care of herself, take care of her appendix, that without a healthy inside you can’t have a healthy outside. 

It’s always just lies when she says she is going to do it, and I fall for them, defend her when people say she has a problem. They don’t have a right to say those things about her, they don’t know her, which is only half true. 

Or am I worse for being close to her and not helping? I just love my friend so dearly. Addiction is the worst, or maybe it’s just depression, either way, she needs to find what makes her happy that doesn’t poison her. Life is always better than you think, you just have to want it. ❤️

2 thoughts on “Addiction

  1. davidprosser says:

    It does sound like your friend is battling depression. I hate to contradict you ( don’t you always know that means I’m going to). Life may well be better than you think, but it isn’t always a case of wanting it, people who are depressed do want it, they just can’t see it.
    No doubt your friend has family, lots of people who love her. For whatever reason, she may feel that they’d all be better off without her, that somehow she’s dragging them down. It may not be rational but it’s often the reality held by the depressed person.( I speak from experience).
    She needs help if she’s doing herself harm or even risking it, and the continual support and reassurance of those she loves, who love her.
    I hope she get’s sorted and becomes a happier person who can see the value of life.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • spirituallivingmagictouch says:

      It really does, and it sucks because the people she’s around are her “friends” but are willing to drink and aid in the problem. Here in the next month I’ll be moving about an hour from her so hopefully I can be more of a positive influence on her soul. Really she needs to move and get out of the rut she is in. It so sad and terrifying as a friend, and exhausting, but I’m willing to do whatever to help her. Sometimes all they need is someone. Not to mention all our other people just said she was out of control and wrote her off so I’m the only one she will talk to now. No one else understands that it takes giving more than you are able sometimes to help a person. That is part of why I have cut people out of my life. I needed positive, and their version of positive was not was I needed. So far I can physically feel how much better it is without them. So amazing how that works. Friendship is more than the people around me think it is, I hope for their sake someday they understand that, because the ones I’m finding to still be in my life, are a beautiful thing ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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